They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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