Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
