she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
