I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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