2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
