Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
