Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
ok first of all what the fuck
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
