Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
