Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
