yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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