i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
