I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
