that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
