Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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