a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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