you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
