i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
