So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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