My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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