I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
