I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
