I have demons in me.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
