did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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