My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
