I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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