Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
