is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
