tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
