my phone needs a breathalizer
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
