I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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