Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
