I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you had me at cake vodka
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
