college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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