so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
