Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
