so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
