I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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