I hope mine doesn't look like that
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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