Do you still have your period?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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