Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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