take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
