i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
