I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
