I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
