I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I wear drunk well.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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