look no pants
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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