i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
