plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
