i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
