went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
